‘It wasn’t the buildup we wanted but it was the simcha everyone needed’
Weddings and barmitzvahs went ahead last weekend with increased emotion and lots of flag waving
Louisa Walters is Features Editor at the Jewish News and specialises in food and travel writing
Israeli military reservists Elinor Yosefin and Uri Mintzer tied the knot in a spontaneous wedding ceremony the day after the Hamas terrorist attack before they had to report to their respective units. The rabbi officiating said that it was rare for a couple to wed on the brink of heading to war, and that “this union showcases the resilience of their relationship and their deep love for each other, their homeland, and the Jewish nation.”
Similar sentiments were felt at simchas here in the UK last weekend.
Josh, 29, married his fiancee Lara, 28, at Courthouse Hotel Shoreditch on Sunday. Josh is head of fundraising at MDA UK and as soon the news of the terror attacks came out he got straight to work on an appeal. “Far from having a romantic pre-wedding yom tov weekend together, I was totally in the thick of it and we were increasingly distressed by the news. As the week went on it really did not feel like our wedding week and we started to question how it would be. Then we started to get the drop outs – Israeli family members who couldn’t come and others who were on holiday in Israel and couldn’t get back. Our rabbi told us: ‘By having your wedding you are on the front line fighting Hamas – doing what they don’t want to you to do. You shouldn’t feel sorry that you are celebrating – you should celebrate even harder. You should celebrate for all those who can’t.’
“It wasn’t the buildup we wanted but it was the simcha everyone needed. I was conscious that the wedding shouldn’t turn into protest or a vigil, but nevertheless we wanted to mark what is going on. Ironically we were always having Israeli food and a full Israeli music set but we brought in the Israeli flag and danced with it at the end.”
Lara’s mum Susan says: “It had been a hideous week and I think the guests were so ready to celebrate and spread simcha to all those who couldn’t. We hadn’t intended to sing Hatikvah but it happened, with such heartfelt emotion.”
“The prospect of going to a wedding, and in particular of dancing to upbeat music, felt daunting during the week leading up to it,” says Georgia, who went to a wedding in London with her fiance Tom. “But once the day came, I suddenly felt so privileged to be able to celebrate such a special and happy Jewish event. I knew I’d be surrounded by many people who know exactly how I’m feeling – because they’re feeling the same. While we made sure the bride and groom had the wedding of their dreams and that the event felt relatively ‘normal’, we also took a few moments to pause and reflect. There was a poignant, emotional minute’s silence and singing the Hatikvah in unison with 200 wedding guests was incredibly meaningful and a beautiful, special mark of respect and allegiance.”
Jonny, 29 and Charli, 28, were married at The Landmark. “There was an electric atmosphere throughout the wedding,” says Jonny. “Everyone celebrated harder than ever and really came together – it was truly amazing.”
Daniel, who went two weddings at the weekend, says: “It was so good to see friends who are experiencing the same issues and feelings as I am and be celebratory together. There was a sense of camaraderie and bullishness amidst all the horror. I particularly noted the rabbi saying at the chuppah that celebrating simchas and happy moments are even more important at a time like this.”
Daniella and Brian’s son Aeden was barmitzvahed at Yavneh College. Daniella’s sister lives near Ashkelon and her parents were there visiting her. “We really did not know if they would get back in time but they managed. I told our rabbi that I felt bad hosting a simcha but he said, ‘We need to shine the light and show that we will carry on.’
“I have no words for how special Shabbat was. The shul was so full that people were standing. Everyone wore blue and white – I don’t know if that was planned or just a coincidence but it was amazing. We requested to sing the Hatikvah in shul and I don’t think there was a dry eye in the house. Friends who originally could not come to because they were due to be in Israel asked if they could now come so we ended up with even more people than we had planned. The DJ brought Israeli flags and the ruach when we were dancing and waving them was incredible – a totally elevated feeling.”
Next month Leanne and Dudi, both 27, are holding a party to celebrate their engagement. “We have been debating whether or not to go ahead, “ says Leanne, “but we are and we will be donating 50 percent of any financial gifts to support IDF soldiers, Israeli charities and displaced families. We wanted to do something to help.”
Wedding planner Michelle Jacobs of Elegante by Michelle J says: “One of our couples is getting married next weekend and we are in full final planning mode. Against the very sad backdrop – and we are all feeling it – a simcha gives the opportunity to bring family and friends together for a few hours of celebration and joy.
“As an industry we have all – more or less unanimously – taken a business break from social media. Instead of showcasing our work, our posts have been in support of Israel. However I am starting to see this change over the past few days as sadly we settle in to the current situation, possibly for the long term.”
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